An years long ordeal saw me adrift….. and finally anchored
A stranger in a strange land
New faces, unknown characters, on a dais that I know….
Would see me mature towards a profession
And even as I was trying to define myself….
In the context of the changed milieu….
Destiny and decision soon took me thru new introductions.
The strangers soon changed to friends—a second family.
The Alma Mater – my second home
And myself – a second birth.
Amidst the league, you were to me, just another girl.
Your silence and solitude beclouding your entity.
Your indifference widening the breach between us
I didn’t take notice of the hidden you. Foolish as I was.
Time and Space, the only gap between us. I was aware.
And when slowly, the passing time conquered the space,
The silence of your expression, started to scream to me….
Urging me to unravel the truth….the factuality of your character.
And when it was done, I had discovered YOU…..
A paragon in an evasive quiescent disguise.
The disclosure smoothened my heart…..
With the silkiness it had never knew.
And thru’ my mind’s eye, my soul could see…in You….
All that I wanted in My Girl.
You were the one and I had to make you mine.
And ever since the realization,
There has been nothing that mattered in this world….
Than your comely self, the unparalleled pleasure of your sight.
The increasing pitch of each of my heart beat….captive of your spell,
As if shouting to convince me that I was in Love.
LOVE….the ethereal feeling I was an alien to.
For, until now, nothing had struck me….
With the subtle magnanimity as has your virtuosity.
Myriad times, I tried to contradict my heart…I cant be in love!
But, it just wouldn’t let go.
You it said were mine….only mine
Cos’ I cant think of anyone else who can take your place….
In the caring depths of my heart….
The compass of my Soul
You are the one and only.
And now, when we sit together,
An unseen divine force coerces me into expressing my love for you.
But my conscience cautions me.
What if you despise…to shatter my dreams….my world.
So, over the battle of the Heart and the Conscience….
My being is rattled as I slowly drown….
In the turbulence of indecision…of cowardice.
Although I laugh and joke with the others,
When it comes to you, I just can’t be myself.
Afraid I might hurt you, frighten you…….love you
The haunting fears of this thought…..
Striking daggers at my deficient heart.
So however hard I try to express, I only seem to regress
Hence I’d rather live in the mythical world of my directed fantasies…
Wherein I can rest in your arms, without a care in the world….
Than to submit to the likelihood of rejection.
The brutality of the possibility…
Capable of disqualifying my true love…turning it to shambles.
So, I dream and continue to dream.
Dreams that are my territory, the strong walls of which…..
Can never be trespassed, never be encroached by Doubt.
Within its realms, I shall visualize, the beauty of my desires.
Even as I imagine……
The two of us on the sandy beaches.
As the cold waters of the ocean sweep our legs….
The chill of the water subdued by the warmth of your sweet caress.
The twilight reflecting from the waters…
Defeated by the sparkle in your eyes.
The might of the wind….
Arrested int your flowing hair.
The husk of the ocean waves fading….
Against the hush of you whisper.
With the glory of the brilliant Morning sun…
Overshadowed by the radiance of your captivating smile.
With my fingers running thru’ your hair….
As your warm breath caresses my neck.
Both of us delightfully enraptured in mutual worship.
Oh! I’d rather live in the world of make-believe….
In the splendor of my dreams….
Until one day, when these dreams of mine…..a Coward,
Shall materialize thru’ the faith I have in my love.
Until that day….. This Coward shall dream.
This isn’t just a fancy infatuation
But a true heart’s sincere admiration
It’s not just for what you apparently seem
But its for what u really are within
While anyone else would count on their eyes
This heart relies on its judicious psyche
For I have seen in you
What others would fail to do
Those silent but pronounced indications
Your gentle self’s delectable reflections
Even as you sit resting the weight of your chin
On the palm of your soft hand,
The beauty of nature kneels down in defeat
Before a sight so divine
The strength of your indomitable character
Apart from the genuinity of which, to me, nothing else does matter.
Though it has taken some time
I have finally made up my mind.
So let the mountains crumble, tumble to the sea
Let the world stop going round, it won’t bother me
Who needs the twinkling stars in the skies
When I can see them right now in your eyes.
And I’m gonna love you , even if my heart it breaks
So when I said I loved you……I lied
This is more than love that I feel inside
Said I love you,
But I was wrong
Cos’ love could never ever feel this strong
Said I love you but I lied.
Everywhere I go everywhere I see
The sun…the sky…the invigorating blue sea
In every breath, every step, every thought of mine
All I can sense is the charming presence of thine
You run through my blood and my nerve
Through my life’s road every turn every curve
If only you could see what I see
As I rest my eyes on you
The picture of eternal happiness
The winters early morning dew
Your touch gently conquering my mind
You and only you my most gratifying find
Its my emotions that run my life
Each moment of separation cuts at me like a cold knife
However composed I feel about our love
When u sit close, I cant seem to have control
My heart skips beats and I drown in a mirthy pool
So when your around, its only just that I act like a fool
Don’t blame this heart if it goes sore
All it wants is for you to love me more.
In my dreams we’ve talked n we talked so much
But in reality, I know, I can’t rush too much
So let us give our love some time to mature
Though painful, its something we must endure
So when I said I loved you……I lied
This is more than love that I feel inside
Said I love you
But I was wrong
Cos love cud never ever feel this strong
Said I love you but I lied.
Baarish ki pehli boondein is than ko jo bhigothi hain
Booli bisri yaadein ye dil sanjhone lag jaati hain
Apni is duniya se door kuch lamhe haath thamein door le jaati hain!
Vaapas tho chale aatein hain per qwahish na chod jaati hai.
Apni aankhon mein tumhara chehra jo bharna chahtha hoon,
Tumse nazar milte hi na jaane ye kyon jhuk jaati hain.
Aapko dil ki baatein jo bataana chahtha hoon,
Aapke saamne hoton per aathe aathe na jaane kyon ruk jaatein hain.
Isi uljhan mein baanwla dil apne pyaar ka izhaar nahi kar pata
Mera ho kar bhi, ye mera reh nahi paatha!
You were there, standing by the door,
Waiting for the seasons to change…..
For the cold Winter to give way to the warmth of the Spring.
And there he was, hunting for his prey.
Showed up at the right time with the right smile.
And even as your vision was clouded….
By the sandstorm of your aspirations,
He swept you off your feet….
With the promise of eternal love.
He was, you thought, the Knight of your dreams.
Only…. You couldn’t see wrapped in silk was the heart of stone
Hidden under the shining armour were the pangs of malicious intent.
If you look close, you will know this,
The heart that’s really crying out for you is not his.
Look behind you and you will find me
Take my hand and in eternal bliss you will be
Oh! Don’t let him steal your heart
No! Don’t let him tear us apart.
The fancy cars and the candle lit dinners are all a façade,
It’s of more than this that true love is actually made.
He’ll promise you the Sun, he’ll promise you the Sea,
Search deeper and his crooked mind you’ll see.
And now as you’re dancing to the lights,
With this man by your side,
Unmindful of my concerned eyes
Helplessly watching you fall for his blatant lies.
The music you dance to sets a raging fire in my heart,
As I see his pretence tear my true love for you apart.
I see you resting in his arms and I turn cold,
For they’re the ones that’ll surely strangle loves hold.
If you look close you will know this,
The heart that you hear truly crying out for you is not his.
Look behind you and you will find me.
Take my hand and together we will be.
Oh! Don’t let him steal your heart
No! Don’t let him tear us apart.
His love for you is only a shadow play.
Soon the lights will be gone,
Then the shadows will fade away,
Engulfed by the darkness of the brutal reality
Your expectant Love, then, a cast away.
Look thru’ his pretence, Oh! Do see what he is…
No, please, don’t be fooled by his kiss.
Sometimes I’m forced to think you’re blind.
For, can’t you see what’s playing on his mind?
Finally, when the curtains are drawn, you will realize
After the fanciful masquerade, in the floods of your own tears….
Your trust in love will capsize….
If you look close you will know this,
The heart that you hear truly crying out for you is not his.
Look behind you and you will find me.
Take my hand and together we will be .
Oh! Don’t let him steal your heart
No! Don’t let him tear you and my love apart.
All the pictures of your future that you painted….
With colors of his promises,
Shall fade to black and white…..wasted!
Leaving a portrait of dejection……a canvas of blemishes.
Blown away by winds of betrayal…..
The sands of disdainful time,
Your gentle heart I can see,
While I’m here standing, waiting for thee.
No! Don’t be fooled by his kiss,
Think of all that you’ll eventually miss.
If you look close you will know this,
The heart that you hear crying out for you is not his.
Look behind you and you will find me.
Take my hand and together we will be.
Don’t let him steal your heart away from me,
Cos’ mine it was meant to be.
Mounam oka AnanthaKaavyam.
Nee lo neevu mounanga unnappudu.....
Kurisay bhaavala varshaley,
Nishshabddha tharangaluga maaruthayi.
Nuvvu anukunnattu, nishabddham moogadhi emi kaadhu
Vinay manasunte, nishabddham lo kooda raagalu vinabadu thaayi.
Mounam oka Oppandham.
Dhikkulanu dhaddharillinche shabdhdham kooda,
Nishabdham mundhu longipothundi.
Shabhddham thana pani ninchi viraminchi
Chivariga theesukune vishranthey..... Nishabddham…..Mounam.
Ninnu cheraleni sudhoora lokalaki theesuku veluthundi..... Mounam.
Manasu vedhajalle thejassulo…..
Anubhavala, aalochanala pusthakalanu therichi chaduvuthondi.
Koththaga yerpadina ontarithanam…..
Paatha gnaapakalanu, nee mundhu drushyaaluga parusthundi.
Mounam oka Anantha Sathyam.
Nishabdhdha saagaramlo thelu thunna ninnu choosi
Na na matalanna vaariki…..
Aa Nishabddha, niraakara, niranthara arthala.....
Aa mouna samudramlo reygay aalochanala kerataala goorchi emi telusu?
Thalli garbham loni mounam…..
Maanava janma ke ushodhayam aithe,
Marana shayya meedha mounam…..
Maro janma ke ankuram.
Mounaniki maranam antu ledhu…..
Mounaniki vundhi sahanamey!
No more complaints and no more cry,
Cos’ from this moment I have begun to fly.
Wings of freedom and the new sky,
No more stories and no more lie,
Want to see what the other sides belie.
So goodbye darling and don’t ask why,
My heart longs for someplace else,
and that’s where I’ve started to fly……
Dooriyon mein beete waqt ki aahat jaise goonjne lagi hai,
Phirse guzre kal mein jeene ki qwahish jaagne lagi hai.
Har guzra lamha ek daastaan bankar palko thale jo simatne laga hai,
Kal ke bichchde ko aaj milne ki chaahat, is dil ko phirse chedne lagi hai.
Jab hum ek doosre ko chahthe hi hain,
To na jaane humare beech ye faaslein thei kyo nahi hote?
Jab dil ne dil se izhaar kiya hi hai,
To na jaane ye kadam agey kyo nahi badthe?
Agar hum ab saath hain tho bus saath hain,
Shayad jab bichad jayenge to samajh payenge.
Humare beech woh kya rishta tha?
Andheron mein tanhai ki awaaz bathayegi humein…..ke woh Pyaar tha!
14th february, circa 1996......If there was, is, or going to be any one person i owe me and myself genuinely to , it will have to be my Mom.She has been my strength and soul. I started out fearing if i could say enough of how much i love her and how very much she means to me and ended up, inspite of myself, not saying half as much. Cos' Mom words are far too weak in whatever volume and can never measure up to a Mother's Love. Thanks Mom, for all your efforts and all your Prayers that have made me all that i am today and Thank you Mom for all that you are........
From the warmth and security of ur womb
Was I born….into this world which I had to survive.
The sparkling tears of happiness on your face, Mother,
Declaring the sense of satisfaction, for, in my birth lay….
The objective of Life’s Continuum.
With a feeling of fulfillment that shall never be forgotten
A sense of apprehension crept into your heart Mother.
For u had to carve a formidable character…..
Shape the future of your son.
And ever since, Mother, you’ve wrapped me….
In the sweet warmth of your affection,
Announcing a silent bond that was inevitable
For, in me, flowed your blood.
For, I wasn’t just me but a part of you.
In you, as a child I saw…..my protector…..my savior
My everything!
You were so clever mother…..a shrewd calculator.
Allowing me to tread into the forest and endure the danger,
When you felt I should.
And yet, encompass me in the security of your care,
When I needed it most.
You’ve helped me mature, Mother,
The way a real Man should.
Little did I know then,
That the wavering steps that I took as a child…..
Under your guidance…..falling down so often,
Reflected upon life’s ways.
Happiness and grief, Success and failure.
You have Mother, helped me appreciate both alike.
Just as a sculptor out of a piece of lifeless rock
With perseverance and devotion, carves a living masterpiece
You have Mother, contributed towards framing
A laudable character unto me.
And today if I stand to be appreciated as I am
It is all thanks to your unconditional love….
Your unsurpassable guidance, gentle criticism and limited freedom.
Even now Mother, when Time sometimes proves my enemy….
When my heart aches with throbbing pain and sleep betrays me
I cuddle up beside you and then am your little child again.
Then all my troubles seem to run out of my life
Run away from the protective spirit of your motherhood
And the strong bond we share rejuvenates….
With time….with circumstances….
Sometimes it almost puts me to tears, when I see you,
Challenge your mental strength, surpass your physical capacity,
Only to put me to ease…See your son happy.
So very often I feel a fool in me, when I realize….
We don’t stand on common grounds.
While u share love unconditionally
I remain guarded… momentarily gratitudeless.
That is becos’ Mother, I cannot…even if I wanted to…
Love you the way you love your Son.
Those instances when u fought the devil of Time….
With your back to the wall,
Took a step were no one else would’ve even dared to try,
Not for any accolades for bravery, but for the love of your son.
All the pain, tears and sacrifice that went into molding me….
Shall never be forgotten
For Mother, you will continue to hold the most divine place….
In this lifetime and possibly beyond.
This…. I PROMISE.
....15 march, circa1996.... this one has to be my only completely metaphorical analogy with a strict structure and flow. Hope you guys enjoy it.....
I am the candle and you its flame,
Our love, the fire that burns thru’ wind and rain,
Shower of solace, the annihilation of pain.
I am the soul and you its dream,
Our love, the exhilarating pellucid stream,
Apostle of trust, apostasy’s dying scream.
I am the heart and you its burning desire,
Our love, the surge of sincere emotions that are entire,
Feelings in harmony that shall never ever tire.
I am the river and you the pouring rain,
Our love, the flow that winds thru’ the deserts sandy terrain,
Sustaining life, keeping it judicious and sane.
I am the flower and you the spring,
Our love, the fragrance that survives the seasons swing,
The most beautiful creation shot from the Natures sling.
This communion of hearts is inevitable, God’s decree,
What was once a pleasant possibility,
Shall I promise be a heartwarming reality.
Muddato baad bhoole waqt ke darwaaze per kisi ki hansi ne dastak di, ...Anjaan ajnabi andheron mein dost ke chilman ne roshni di..... Beete lamho ka caravaan mudkar jo aaj mein shamil hone laga....Manzil jo dhundhla sa tha, ab mere kareeb nazar ane laga
( it is after ages that someone has knocked on the doors of forgotten Time.....The foriegn and strange darkness has been lit by by a friend's countenance.....And as the caravan of past moments have turned around to merge with the present.....the mirage of my future has transformed to clear reality. )
28 april, circa 1996.....Few wise people counselled me....said that poetry is distinguished from prose as its expression is thru' a structured rhyme n rythm and mine were'nt even close. That was enough to prod me into writing this poem with rhyme,rythm,reason and sweet retribution. And when i started it, i cudnt end it soon enough....:D
I probably have never told you,
That’s cos' you never asked me
But you are someone I can cry my heart out to,
And rest in faith cos' I know you'll carry me thru'.
Your genuine care shows in your eyes,
Your enchanting smile striking fire even on cold ice.
You are someone I can trust with my secrets …..My dreams
You are the only one who can read my silent screams.
You are the only one who suffers when I am hurt....You do,
Thats why I associate only to you.
It isn’t all my fault if I' ve begun to love you,
Cos' theres no one who makes me feel like you do.
Sometimes I question my self, can I ever make it thru?
Thru' this world, without having you.
I realize without my mentor, i'd b left without a clue.
Without your charming smile, I’d only rue.
Sometimes it feels like the world is turnin against me,
And I see no way I can break free.
But then, I see u reach out for me
With your undying help, I begin to justly see.
So many times I wanted to quit the fight,
But then, I see ur smile and everything just has to become alrite.
I know we've been thru some misinterpretations,
And now I feel its time I rise above all pretensions.
And declare to you my love,
And let the wings fly..... the white dove.
You took me for wat I am
Across the floods of confused emotions, you’ve helpd build a dam.
Giving directions to this maverick heart of mine
Its now your captive and forever’ll remain thine.
So this desperate moment when miles stand separating us,
Each thought of you becomes testing and torturous,
Cos' its only wen someone you care for goes afar,
That you realise just how much you really need her.
Now my inspiration and support lies dead,
However hard I try, every situation is misread.
Without u here, nothing seems to be the same,
Inspite of myself, my confidence puts me to shame.
Every song now seems unsung,
All my aspirations stay unduly hung.
All along I thought I was strong....
But now, you've proved me wrong.
Cos' all my strength lies in you,
And everytime you leave me, a part of me goes too.
Everytime some one calls me
I turn around hoping its you
Your photograph,tho' no substitute, always by my side,
Momentarily consoles this foolish heart and its turbulent tide.
Without your presence supporting me, everything seems to go sore,
Anything I do, just cant seem to satisfy me anymore.
One by one all the moments we shared run across my mind,
The pain….the happiness…our relationship – one of its kind.
I thrive now on the memories of our little conversations,
Lovely instances of those subtle tensions.
Those little “thank you’s” and “sorry’s”,
Sincere moments without any worries.
They shall remain in my heart forever young,
So that whenever recalled, I’d love getting sweetly stung.
Every nite its you that I dream of
Theres nothing that can turn this fever off.
People talk but I don’t listen, i've got no choice,
Where do they stand in front of your soft voice.
I smile only becos' am expected to
It never is complete without you.
I try to talk back but I falter.....
Am aimlessly lost without your shelter
Without you my emotions only wander, never complete....
Ecstacy or pain, only when you're here will they get replete.
I don’t know if u feel the same,
As for me, my wailing heart I cant seem to tame.
Its only in your tight embrace that it shall soothe....
Only in your reinstated company shall it go smooth.
My happiness lies in your two hands,
Took me some time to understand.
Each day seems to stretch to eternity,
With you, you've taken my sense and sanity.
I don’t seem to feel anything anymore,
But when you're back, feel sure, I’ll love you all the more.
Our love as a rose also bears a thorn,
But then, every nite has its dawn.
Time that has taken you away.....
Shall bring you one day.... back my way.
It wont be long when we will be together,
For now,each moment of separation….
Seems like........................Forever.
